C-

For a movie with this title, “Something New” is definitely musty and decrepit. Kriss Turner’s script is an interracial romantic comedy in which an African-American woman falls for a hunky white guy, much to the chagrin of most of her family and friends. Why, we haven’t seen anything like this since “Guess Who”–which, as it happens, was also rather funny, something Sanaa Hamri’s picture doesn’t manage to be. But then it isn’t charming, or insightful or even superficially attractive, either.

In the by-the-numbers narrative, Kenya McQueen (Sanaa Lathan) is an ambitious, uptight lawyer aiming for a partnership in a big Los Angeles firm who’s just bought a house and needs someone to landscape the bedraggled back yard. Luckily at a party she’s introduced to Brian Kelly (Simon Baker), a handsome fellow who’s just done a great job on the hostess’ garden and offers to come by and offer some ideas. The upshot is entirely predictable: the easygoing, thoughtful guy is immediately attracted to Kenya, and she gradually melts under the warmth of his attention, even learning to tolerate walks in the outdoors and dogs. (Brian, of course, has a big, lovable mutt that’s always riding along in his jeep–and the canine gets almost as much screen time as the two lovebirds.) Soon the two are an item; he even moves in. This annoys her ladies’ man brother Nelson (Donald Faisson, insufferably antic) and her snobby mother (Alfre Woodard, who does some of her worst work ever in an awful role); only her even-tempered doctor dad (Earl Billings) seems undisturbed by the turn of events. Most of her girlfriends have their doubts, too, as well as the cook-boyfriend (Mike Epps) of the most supportive of them. Needless to say, relationship roadblocks are set up, and when the two split up Nelson arranges for Kenya to meet an old teacher of his, the ultra-smooth Mark (Blair Underwood, doing the semi-caddish bit decently enough), with whom she quickly gets involved. Of course, that’s not the end of the story: you know full well what’s coming. Here the closing reconciliation is played almost like a reverse Cinderella scene at a posh (and absurd) debutante ball.

That’s an especially dismal conclusion to a flimsy, flabby picture in which the romantic chemistry is forced, the script does nothing unexpected and the direction is slack. Hamri never gets any momentum going; the plot just meanders along monotonously, and though Baker is reasonably engaging, Lathan is sadly stiff and shrill. Of the supporting players, the most tolerable are Billings, with whom Lathan has a father-daughter moment at the close that’s hardly unusual but is pleasant enough, and Epps, whose looseness is a nice change in this context. And technically the picture is at best adequate

What’s really off-putting about “Something New,” though, is the odd and incomplete portrait of race relations it paints. Virtually all the African-Americans here have a distinct chip on their shoulder when it comes to Brian, who has to prove himself repeatedly to gain even their reluctant acceptance, and most are positively hostile to him. The picture seems to present this reverse discrimination as a given–and an understandable one at that. It’s idea might appeal to a segment of the target audience, but that doesn’t make it any less like pandering, and within this context the universally swooning reactions at the ball to their getting back together again seem unfathomable. On the other hand, there’s almost no evidence whatever of problems from the other direction. When Kenya and Brian quarrel, it’s because she doesn’t think he’s sensitive enough about the veiled discrimination she feels at work–one client is uncomfortable with her position as his chief advisor. (It doesn’t help that their disagreement, set in a supermarket as onlookers react to their words, is the most strident, clumsy scene in the picture.) But as things turn out, her boss proves a remarkably enlightened fellow who judges her solely on merit, not race–and of course her ability is never in doubt. And the entire breakup routine italicizes a serious imbalance at the picture’s core. When one looks at the central relationship, it’s Brian who makes all the accommodations and Kenya who’s never satisfied. Perhaps it would help if we were shown anything from his perspective, and given some understanding of his wider life, his family circumstances. But he emerges from a vacuum and pretty much stays there. We’re told a great deal about her, but too little about him for them to become equal partners in overcoming the obstacles to their happiness.

So despite the title, “Something New” does nothing innovative or particularly insightful with what’s actually a formulaic premise. And it doesn’t have many laughs, either. Indeed, the funniest thing about it is the idea that brother Nelson, brainless twit that he is, is supposedly a law-school graduate. Of course, maybe that’s a rare touch of realism in a movie that otherwise seems completely artificial.